


Strength to Continue

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:16:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus and Sirius meet again, after GoF</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength to Continue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Lightning flashed against the inky black curtain of clouds on the night of the ides of June. Thunder growled in the distance as the rain slashed in torrents at the small paned windows of Remus Lupin's cottage. Inside the fire was bright, the happy flames licked at the firewood, and Remus stood before the fire, soaking in its warmth. In his long fingers rested a cup of strong tea and he occasionally sipped absently at it, letting the warm liquid trail down his hoarse throat and pool in the pit of his stomach. He was exhausted, yet, much to his displeasure, he found himself unable to fall in to the arms of sleep. The full moon was the night before. He should be in bed by now, dead to the world, but here he stood, sipping tea before the fire.

A fierce wind had picked up outside- he could hear the shutters rattling upstairs. A quick glance out the window afforded slanting rain. This was one hell of a storm, he thought. With one hand he rubbed wearily at his temple, then at the bridge of his nose. He moved to sit in the tattered leather armchair before the fire and, curling his feet under him, continued to gaze at the flickering flames.

He heard a faint scraping sound at his front door and dismissed it as a tree branch in the wind until he heard it again. It sounded like claws, scratching at his door- but no, it couldn't be... certainly not. Sirius, according to his last letter, was in Scotland right now, keeping an eye on Harry near Hogwarts.

Slowly he pulled his weary body to its feet and walked to the door to investigate. He unbolted the door and turned the knob slowly, pulling the wooden door toward him and peeking out in to the storm. There was so little light that he almost didn't see the enormous black dog sitting directly in front of him. The dog stood as he opened the door further and looked up at him with coal black eyes.

His heart leapt. "Padfoot!" Remus said, surprised. "Do come in," he added, stepping aside so the dog could enter.

The dog turned to face Remus and, suddenly, with a whirl of cloak, a pale man appeared. He was clearly exhausted, and soaking wet, though he looked far better than the last time Remus had seen him. With practiced ease he rose from the ground to stand opposite Remus, and with a crooked grin he wiped a stray lock of black hair from his brow.

"Good evening, Remus," he said hoarsely.

Remus smiled softly and searched Sirius's pale blue eyes. "It's good to see you again, Sirius." They stood for a moment in quasi-awkward silence before Remus mentally slapped himself. He ushered Sirius in to the living room to stand before the fire. "Let me get you something dry to put on- would you like to shower?"

"I'd like that very much." Sirius seemed lost in thought for a moment. Remus moved to leave the room, but stopped dead at the sound of Sirius's voice.

"Moony?" Sirius said softly.

Something unreadable flitted across Remus's features to settle somewhere in the depths of his gray eyes, and, with a rush, feelings that Sirius had harbored deep within the recesses of his mind for over thirteen years resurfaced once more.

"Er- thank you." Sirius managed. His throat was suddenly very dry.

"Think nothing of it, Padfoot, old friend. Come with me." Remus led the way to the bathroom and Summoned a set of robes for Sirius. "Here you are. Are you hungry? I can fix you something, if you like," Remus added.

"I'm rather starving... food sounds wonderful... I'll only be a few minutes," Sirius said, gesturing to the shower.

"All right. Come downstairs when you're finished, Sirius." Remus smiled softly and Sirius stepped in to the bathroom.

Remus made his way down to the kitchen and licked his dry lips. He found it somewhat hard to believe- Sirius was here, in his house... taking a shower, and he, Remus, was about to cook for him. It was as if the last thirteen years had vanished- except for the fact that several very horrible memories still haunted the both of them. God, he'd missed Sirius.

When he reached the kitchen, he drew his wand and conjured a rather delicious looking chicken and potatoes. He placed a few warming charms on it in case Sirius was longer than he'd expected, and with a wave of his wand put the teakettle on to boil.

Several minutes later, Sirius entered the kitchen. He had washed and shaved and looked as though he felt much better by the time he sat at the table. He gazed hungrily at the plate of food that Remus handed him for a moment, seemingly stunned that he could actually eat it. Remus wondered how long it had been since he had really eaten.

"Go ahead, Sirius, I haven't poisoned it," said Remus, with a sly grin. Sirius picked up a leg with his fingers and tore at it savagely. In a flash, he had eaten the meat, and was reaching for more. Remus watched in amazement. Soon Sirius moved on to the potatoes and wolfed them down just as enthusiastically. Remus offered more chicken, which he eagerly took. They sat in silence for a while while Sirius ate. When Sirius had finished, he set the last of the chicken bones on his plate and licked his lips. "Do you feel better, Padfoot?"

"Yes, I do. Thank you, Remus."

There was something in Sirius's gaze that seemed troubled to Remus. Since Azkaban, Sirius had always had a troubled look about him (mostly because he was, in fact, very troubled), but this was different. There was a new raw emotion in those eyes. After studying him for a moment more, Remus concluded that something horrible must have happened, and that Sirius had not just come for his hospitality.

Sirius lowered his gaze to study his clasped hands, his brow furrowed with a hint of anxiety. No matter what he did in the last several days, his thoughts would always return to that horrible night mere days ago when he sat in Dumbledore's office and listened to his godson relive the most horrifying moment of his life. The knowledge that he himself was responsible for this- for if he hadn't suggested that James and Lily trust Peter instead of him, then Peter would not have resurrected Voldemort... not to mention the boy wouldn't be orphaned- made him sick to his stomach. He took a deep breath, swallowed deliberately, and raised his eyes to look once more at Remus. God, he'd missed Remus. He needed Remus. He wondered if Remus still felt the same way... they had been lovers, long ago; Sirius would give nearly anything to have him back. He needed someone to trust, someone to trust him. Quietly Remus poured two steaming cups of tea and offered one to Sirius. Sirius gripped the handle of the teacup with surprising intensity, his eyes never leaving Remus, and sipped at the hot liquid.

"Remus..." he paused.

Remus studied him for a moment, then, "yes, Sirius?"

"I- Dumbledore sent me. To talk to you. To tell you about... what happened... I'm supposed to lie low here for a while- if, of course, it's all right with you... if it's not I can find somewhere else to stay while-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Padfoot, you're welcome to stay here as long as you need."

Remus's friendly tone seemed to relax Sirius a bit. Remus could tell that Sirius was very shaken by what he needed to reveal, but he knew not to push him to talk. So he waited.

The corner of Sirius's lip raised in a small half smile before he sobered once again. He looked in to the deep brown of his tea for a moment, composing himself prior to speaking.

"Lord Voldemort has risen again, Remus," he said quietly. Remus's eyes widened in shock, and took on a stormier gray hue. "I've been staying in a cave outside Hogsmeade, so that I could keep an eye on Harry- you remember the Triwizard Tournament?" he asked gruffly.

"Yes, you mentioned in one of your owls that Harry was named a fourth Champion," his eyes got wider, "is he all right, Sirius?" His voice was tinged with worry.

"The Triwizard Cup had been turned in to a portkey- when Harry touched it, he was transported to a graveyard. Pettigrew," he said the name with venom, "was there. He brewed a potion of flesh, blood, and bone- his flesh, the bone of Voldemort's father, and... Harry's blood." He paused for a minute; the silence was pregnant. He took a deep breath, struggled for control. "Another student was with him- Cedric Diggory, I believe- Voldemort killed him in front of Harry," he said bitterly. "Harry dueled with Lord Voldemort... then he said that the wands connected: priori incantatem, Dumbledore called it, and... Harry forced Voldemort's wand to display the spells it had cast... Cedric came out, and he spoke to Harry, and... so- so did..." he swallowed hard, and his voice lowered to barely a whisper, "so did... James and Lily, Remus. He saw them, spoke to them..." finally he trailed off, a stray tear running down his smooth cheek. "But he escaped... he'll be all right..." He stared blankly across the table, perhaps at the languid curls of steam rising from the spout of the teapot, perhaps at nothing- he didn't even know himself. Remus found he was gripping the edge of the table with white knuckles. He released his grip and leaned toward Sirius, discovering that the distance of the table was too far to help his friend. He stood suddenly, walked around the table and with his right hand grasped Sirius's shoulder, and with his left he took his hand and pulled him to his feet, drawing him in to a powerful embrace. Sirius hung limply in his arms for a moment before shuddering and burying his face in his neck. Remus held him to him, one hand reaching up to tangle in Sirius's black locks. Sirius was trembling; when Remus felt hot tears at his collar he found it very difficult not to break down himself.

"I've missed you... so much, Remus. Oh, God... don't ever let me go," he murmured softly.

"Hush, Sirius, it's all right. Everything will be all right. I'm here; I'm not going anywhere. I've got you." Remus planted a soft kiss on the top of Sirius's head, which caused Sirius to burrow ever closer to the warmth of Remus's body. He raised his head and Remus kissed his forehead, then his tear-stained cheek. Sirius sighed softly, his breath ragged. He looked deep in to the gray eyes he used to know so well and remembered what it was like to be loved when Remus softly brushed his lips with his own. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's neck and pulled him closer, yearning for the taste of him, needing to lose himself in his best friend, his lover. Again they kissed, softly at first, then with building intensity. Remus stroked Sirius's lower lip with his tongue almost reverently. He ran his tongue along Sirius's teeth.

"I love you," Remus said against his lips.

They shared another dizzying kiss before Sirius pulled away, breathing hard. He searched Remus's face and their eyes met once more. "I love you, too." He said quietly.

Remus looked at him tenderly. Sirius moved as if to speak again, but apparently decided against it. Then slowly, the light in his eyes dimmed.

"What is it, Sirius? What's wrong?"

"I was... just thinking. About... things."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked softly.

"No. Not yet. Perhaps... in a while. But right now..." he splayed his hands across Remus's back and pressed his entire body against him, meeting Remus's lips for another kiss. Tears ran freely down their cheeks as they savored each other.

After a few minutes Remus pulled away and, taking Sirius's hand in his own, led him to the living room and the warmth of the fire. He sat in the old armchair and drew Sirius in to sit in his lap. Sirius struggled for balance for a moment before relaxing against Remus. Their arms went around each other and they curled up together, each listening to the other's heartbeat. Remus stroked Sirius's side, running his fingers along the ribs that showed even through robes. Sirius rested a shaking hand on Remus's chest, slowly tracing circular patterns with his fingertips. He drew a shaking breath and looked up at Remus.

"I can't even explain how wonderful it feels to be here with you, Remus... I've missed you so much... I need you." He kissed him again, passionately, breathing the scent of him deep in to his lungs and losing all sense of worry. All he needed was right here, holding him close, kissing him back. How he had worried, before he arrived here, that Remus wouldn't want him back. Fourteen years was a long time to wait for love, he knew too well, and their scant letters never held a hint of what they'd shared before, other than friendship. But now he knew, somehow, that everything would be all right, as his lips softly caressed Remus's. They were together again, and that would be stronger than any horror they may have to face in the future. Remus dragged his lips away from Sirius's and planted them on the side of Sirius's neck, trailing wet kisses down to the collar of his robes. He raised a trembling hand to the buttons of Sirius's robe and fumbled at them for a moment before unfastening them. He pulled Sirius's robe open and lay his hand across the bare skin of Sirius's chest. The silken skin felt much the same as he'd remembered in his dreams each night... yet there were a few angry scars upon it and Sirius was terribly thin. He stroked the bare skin with his flat palm before helping Sirius to shrug out of the rest of his robe. Remus then ran his hands along Sirius's back feverishly, stroking the weary muscles, sliding his hands ever lower...

Sirius groaned at the electrifying touch on his skin. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had touched him so. Instinctively he reached out for Remus, helped him out of the rest of his clothes, and clutched at his shoulders as he pressed the entire length of his body against him. Oh, to feel Remus's bare flesh against his own put Sirius in to a haze of bliss. He pressed his hips tentatively against Remus's and found that Remus's desire mimicked his own- he was as achingly hard as Sirius was. Sirius snaked his hand between their bodies and explored Remus's erection with trembling fingers. Slowly he stroked it, ripping deep groans from Remus, who blindly sought Sirius's lips and pulled him in to an impassioned kiss.

Remus buried a hand in Sirius's hair, the other wandered lower to duplicate Sirius's ministrations. At his touch, Sirius's cock hardened ever further. Sirius moaned in to his mouth and pressed in to Remus's hand.

After a moment Sirius's lips left the warmth of Remus's mouth and he moved to kneel before Remus. He stroked the inside of Remus's thighs for a moment, then moved to cup his hot testicles. One hand curled around the base of his throbbing shaft. Sirius buried his face in Remus's groin and drew the sharp scent of arousal in to his lungs. Remus chewed his lip in anticipation.

Softly, Sirius placed a gentle kiss at the tip of his shaft and then took him in his mouth.

"Oh... God..." Remus breathed. He entwined his hands in Sirius's hair, stroked it, urged him on. He was so hard... for him. He needed this so badly, needed Sirius... he didn't know how much longer he could last. Gently he pulled Sirius to his feet and captured his mouth in yet another searing kiss. They thrust slowly against each other for a moment. "Sirius..." Remus whimpered against his lips, "I need you... inside me. Now."

Sirius wasted no time in guiding them to the floor. His hands stroked along Remus's body before settling on Remus's ass. Smiling tenderly at Remus, he inserted one long finger inside him, then two, then three. When he removed his fingers Remus nearly cried out, the loss was so acute. Then Sirius entered him, the tip of his throbbing shaft pushing in to Remus with agonizing slowness. He grasped his hips with unsteady hands and held him, pushing deep in to him, to the hilt, until his testicles rested against Remus's cheeks. He paused when he was completely sheathed in Remus's warmth, and he could feel Remus trembling beneath him. It was such an incredible feeling. He bent down for a kiss, silencing Remus's soft moans, and Remus wrapped his legs around his waist, trying to pull him in deeper. They clung to each other for a moment, before the tension became unbearable and they began to move against each other. Sirius thrust slowly, moving against Remus in a rhythm familiar to them both. Remus begged softly for Sirius to release him... he was so close...

"God... Sirius, I- oh, God. I... I don't think I can hold on much longer," Remus gasped.

Sirius moved his hands from Remus's hips to cup at the sides of his face. He searched his eyes and saw the smoldering passion that could match only his own. He leaned down and gently captured Remus's lips in a searing kiss, cherished them, and freed them. Softly he spoke, still close enough so that Remus could feel the words on his lips.

"Then just let go," he breathed. He wrapped his arms around his lover's smaller frame and leaned in once more to kiss him breathless. Thrusting more quickly now, Sirius was very close himself.

After a moment Remus's entire body tensed and his breaths came in shuddering gasps... he was almost there... Sirius stroked his shaft, held it in one hand. "Oh, God," he moaned, and let go. The world around him came crashing down and all he was aware of was Sirius; Sirius, still thrusting hot and hard inside of him overwhelmed him. Then he felt Sirius convulse against him, pouring everything in to his body, and slowly came down from the heights of orgasm. They lay together, clutching desperately at each other, legs intertwined, for quite a while, waiting for their hearts to slow.

"I love you, Remus," Sirius whispered against his chest, laying soft kisses along the smooth flesh. Salty tears ran freely down his cheeks and splashed on to Remus's chest. Remus wiped them away with gentle fingers and laid a hand on Sirius's dark hair.

"I was thinking before, Remus, that... I couldn't remember what this felt like." He sighed deeply. "So many of my memories have become wholly tainted... others have just disappeared. I knew that the memories were good- I just couldn't recall them at all.

"I never told you that I couldn't remember your name while I was in Azkaban, did I? In the darkness I conjured thoughts of you but just as I begin to see them, to feel their warmth, they were sucked away from me. And then they were lost. But so near were they... I could not quite place them, but I knew that they were there. The word on the tip of my tongue that eluded me. That is what these memories became. I could no longer recall even the sound of your voice, beloved. I could not remember the smell of you. I knew that you were my heart and soul... but all that I could comprehend was that I'd lost you forever." He grew very quiet suddenly.

Through Sirius's narration, Remus had wrapped his arms around the trembling body while it relived the darkest horrors of its existence. He held him, and tried to help him heal. They had a long way to go. Yet the most daunting obstacle had been overcome, and they were together again. The future, with all of its approaching disaster, could wait until tomorrow. And the rain fell steadily upon the roof.


End file.
